Your girlfriend, *GIRLFRIEND*, was one of the good kids growing up. I mean, she was a true all-star on our good kid list. Because of this, we’ve been keeping an eye out for her and making sure that she stays happy. You, on the other hand, have been on and off of our bad list for many many years, so we are going to step in and give
you a little help. Hopefully after this letter, you’ll shape up a bit, but to be honest, the elves and I aren’t holding our breath.
So let’s get right to it! You know that *GIRLFRIEND* has been wanting to take a trip to somewhere special for years now, right? Now, you might not be on our good list, but if you want to get on HER good list, you’re going to have to set aside the video games for a little while and take her on a vacation. We happen to know she really likes Florida, and there’s a really nice hotel by the beach at:
<INSERT YOUR FAVORITE HOTEL LOCATION>
I go there every year with Miss Claus and we get the room that looks out over the water. Trust me, it WILL be worth your while!! Play your cards right, and you might even make it on our good list again! But like I said, we’re not staying up late at night hoping for you to learn how to open doors or give her a hugs when she is sad. We’re not going to put on our extra pointy shoes and start elf dancing in celebration when you can’t even clean your toilet out or cut your finger nails before they get dirty. We aren’t going to call the mayor and ask him to throw you a parade when you are still…. well, I think you get the idea…
Get her to Florida before I do!